Billy
the Life Cell
By
Ralph Gilmore
It
was just another morning in the body of Tom. In the thyroid, Billy
the life cell was at work with the computer. He was trying to
estimate how much calcium he was going to need to keep all of the
bones, teeth and finger nails hard, and as usual he was dreaming of
transferring to another department. In the workshop, the red blood
cells were busy delivering oxygen and hauling off carbon dioxide.
In
the network of pipes and ducts that ran past his department, Billy
noticed that the traffic was exceedingly heavy. Several truck loaded
with combat troops had passed by, and his curiosity was aroused. He
went to the communications panel marked voluntary, sensory and
autonomic systems. He called his friend Jack in the brain, “What’s
going on?” Billy asked. Jack replied, “Tom cut his finger last
night and we were invaded by enemy forces. We lost a few of our boys,
but our white cells now have the situation in hand. The invaders were
defeated and our boys are merely working on the healing process
today.” Billy was relieved, but as usual a little envious of Jack.
The brain cells were the first to know everything.
In
the processing and supply department below, the workers had very
little to do. This morning’s shipment of raw materials had merely
been two shipments of coffee, one donut and the usual shipment of
aspirin. The supervisor was furious and he placed a call to central
intelligence. He shouted “I can’t run this department on the
deliveries that we’ve been getting. We received very few supplies
this morning, and last night wasn’t much better. Only bread,
chopped meat, beer and more pills. Lack of good food is one thing,
but coupled with this continuous supply of aspirin and other drugs,
we’re only going to run into trouble. My crews already informed me
of a weakening in the wall of the stomach!” Central Intelligence
replied, “I’m aware of your problems. Tom, as you know, is a
bachelor. He eats irregularly, sleeps little, and drinks quite a bit.
You’ll just have to convert some of his fat and reduce his body
weight. He might not like his weight loss and start sending you more
supplies. Do keep me posted on any further damage to the stomach.”
In
the evening Billy noticed that things were hectic in the adrenal
section. He called up Jack to see what was going on. Jack said, “Tom
is playing a hectic game of basketball, and as you know, we are not
use to this exercise.”
Jack’s
reply was interrupted by a terrifying impact. The red emergency light
flashed on and the speaker came to life. The voice heard was that of
the Chief of Intelligence, “The situation is serious he said, Tom
has taken a fall and a vertebrae has shifted out of position. It’s
blocking the main supply route to the heart. And as you know, we are
equipt to make and repair bone, but we certainly can’t move them.
Many of our friends are cut off from us, some have died, and many
others will follow over a few months or possibly years. And if that
route isn’t opened soon, we’ll all perish. If any of you come up
with any ideas, please contact central intelligence.”
Billy
and all of the cells in the thyroid department were upset over the
loss of their friends. And as the weeks went by, they found alternate
routes to the heart, they managed to ship small amounts of supplies
and replacements but all this was doing was merely delaying the end.
One
day, Billy had an idea. He thought, if a man caused the bone to move
in the first place, than only man could move it back into place. He
called Jack to ask his opinion. “Sounds great!” said Jack, “I’ll
call Central Intelligence and see what can be done.” He called CI,
and explained his conversation he had with Billy. “That just might
be the answer, but as you know, I don’t have the final say so. All
I can do is make a recommendation. We could put Tom in pain and
perhaps then he will seek help.”
The
next day the chief’s voice blared out over the speaker system. He
said, “Yesterday Billy suggested to me that man caused the vertebra
to shift out of position, and that only man can move it back. This
certainly seemed logical to me.
Last
night, as you know, we put Tom in pain. We’ve succeeded in getting
him to seek help. Presently, he’s in a chiropractor’s office.
He’s been x-rayed, and it has been explained to him that he has a
subluxation of the second dorsal vertebra. He’s been explained that
since this bone has been out of position for a long period of time,
it will continue to slip out until its trained to stay. Tom must go
for spinal adjustments or check ups several times a week.
He
continued, in a few minutes, the doctor will move the bone and I want
all available troops to be ready to move into the heart. Please
understand in days to follow, the vertebra could slip again and some
of you will be cut off. This is what all of you have been trained for
and I know you will do a good job.
Shortly
thereafter, the warning light went off, and the lifeline to the heart
was open again. In the weeks that followed, there were numerous
alerts. Despite the interruptions, the rebuilding process was in full
swing. Definite progress was being made.
Months
later while Billy was again dreaming of a transfer, he again noticed
the adrenal section was working hard. He again call Jack and said,
“What’s all of the excitement?” We were treated to Tom’s
reaction to his chiropractor’s receptionist. Eyes department says
she’s quite pretty. Judging from Tom’s reaction, I’d say it was
love at first sight.
And
a few months later, Tom married his doc’s receptionist.
Billy,
because of his suggestion of having a man move the bone was rewarded
with a transfer to the brain. He was the happiest cell in Tom’s
body. Well, with one exception. The Chief of Processing and Supply.
With Tom’s marriage, came regular deliveries of well balanced food
and of course, Tom’s chiropractor convinced him of the dangers of
medication
